Wrong mindset for Marriage

As earlier noted, a negative mindset has the capacity to endanger any marriage because it determines your character in marriage. It determines how you talk, what you do or even fail to do.

1.     Reporters’ mental attitude. When an average reporter gets a piece of news, he is consumed with getting it across to his boss and still beating the deadline to release the news hot. Many people in marriage act the same way. They can’t just keep their mouths shut. They rush to town to report every “sin”, misdeed or misbehavior of their spouses to anybody who cares to listen. Some people are so overwhelmed by this bad habit that you can’t sit down with them for more than ten minutes before they begin to report their spouses, strangers or not. Some go to their in-laws, parents, friends, children, neighbors , etc to report. This is very bad and it is a sign of immaturity.

Solution: Get mature; grow up. Only little children are permitted to report other people. If you are doing it, you are just a 45-year-old man with the wisdom of 4-year-old. So discipline yourself and learn how to solve your own problems.

2.     Blood-is-thicker-than-water-mindset. In comparing extended family members with their spouse, this line is often used, emphasizing that the relationship between them and their relatives is a blood based relationship while that of their spouse is water based relationship. Hence, they should love their parent and siblings more than their wives. This kind of mindset will lead to marriage failure.

Solution: The relationship between couple is a covenant which is stronger than even a blood-based relationship which is why people use blood to cut covenants. Love your spouse more than any living creature on earth. You are married by covenant.

3.     Sense of insecurity. Some men are so insecure that they don’t want their wife to prosper. Jealous and envy take over. Some are even afraid their wives will kill them. They allow these kinds of thoughts to have a stronghold on their hearts for no reason.

Solution: Let the word of God dominate your heart. Destroy every sense of fear and insecurity; don’t allow them to take over your life.

4.       Sense of Distrust. A whole lot of couples do not trust each other as they live in suspicion of each other all day long. They don’t trust each other with money, sex, decision making, secrets, etc. Since trust is the foundation of love, marriage becomes difficult without trust.

Solution: Learn to trust each other, deliberately. Build trust by being open to each other. Ask questions when you don’t understand. Avoid being suspicious. Let there be deep communication, truth and transparency.

5.     Divorce Mindedness. On the way to the church for her wedding ceremony, a young woman insisted that she wanted to get the key to her room in her father’s house. People tried to dissuade her but she was adamant based on the fact that if the marriage did not work, she was coming back home. True to her words, the marriage did not last up to 2 years and she was truly back in her father’s house because she had divorce mindedness.

 Solution: Marriage is for keeps, never think of divorce. Don’t ever see it as an option. God hates divorce, so make up your mind that you will make your marriage work no matter the cost. Malachi 2:14-16 

6.     Negative Thinking. No marriage can stand the flood of life once either of the parties involved begins to think negatively about his or her spouse and the marriage. Thoughts the center around an idea that you got married to the wrong person, your spouse is not completely suitable for you or someone else is better than your spouse, all hinder the progress of your marriage.

Solution: Guard your heart with all diligence; don’t allow your heart to think negatively about your  spouse or your marriage, hold captive every evil imagination

7.     Battle Mindedness. Many believe that marriage is a battle field, so they go into marriage with a battle-set mind.

Solution: marriage is not a boxing ring, it is a place of love so be ready to love. If there is any misunderstanding, settle it and don’t talk any more about it

8.     Solo Mindedness. Despite being married, many believe they are still entitled to running their individual lives like singles. Marriage is about two people coming together, living together, sharing and caring for each other. You cannot make it work with “solo mind”.

Solution: Let go your singles mentality. Get married in your mind. Release your mind to your spouse; don’t just join your hands with him or her, join your mind also

9.     Soul-tie. You cannot build your marriage if you have a soul-tie with your parents, siblings, ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Before you can truly love the person you have gotten married to, you must separate yourself from these people emotionally. Except you get an emotion, physical and mental “divorce” from this set of people, you cannot get the best from your marriage.

Solution: Obey Genesis 2:24-25. Leave your parents, friends, siblings, etc mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, etc and cleave to your own spouse

10.     Negative privilege mindedness. This means you are thinking your spouse is very fortunate to have married you. You believe he or she is privileged and is gaining in the marriage while you are not gaining anything. This kind of belief will make you to start misbehaving to your spouse.

Solution: Develop a positive privilege mindedness, where you begin to see it as a privilege to have married your spouse.  Look at it as getting married to the president or the queen. When you have this kind of mind in you, you will become a pleasant partner to live with.