KILLERS OF GREAT MARRIAGE

God ordained marriage to be a blissful union, but when it is not adequately handled with care it could rub one of his  or her destiny.  Wrong way of handling relationship in marriage has led to the downfall of many marriages. In fact, most people have forgotten that marriage is a love-affair, a lifestyle relationship. These are what we engaged in that can mar ones marriage:-

1. Olympic Spirit. Olympic spirit is the spirit of competition. It has crept into many marriages where couples who are supposed to work as partners are working as rivals. Lovers now work as foes. They compete about building their own houses, buying cars and about winning the love of their children.

Solution: You are partners, don’t compete. You are lovers, don’t fight. You are companions, work in unity. Don’t ever see each other as competitors but as companions.

2. Lovelessness. Husbands are commanded by God to love their wives and not be bitter against them. “Husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them”. Colossians 3:19. Love for your wife should be deep in your heart. When you allow her love to depart, you are making room for a difficult marriage.

Solution: Love your wife and don’t compare her with to any other woman. Verbalize the love. Tell her “I love you” often. Show the love to her by getting her gifts and give her your undivided attention.

3. Disunity. Not walking as one, no fondness, divided house is the end result of so many negative things in marriage. United we stand, divided we fall. There is no place this saying is more true than in marriage.

Solution: Walk in love, walk as one. Stand together, stand as one. Stand in unity. Join your hands together, join your mind also. Have the same voice, the same vision, the same focus and the same destiny.

4. Bad Communication. Communication is the strength of all human relationships and when it departs from any home what remains is frustration. Most couples don’t makes effort to keep the door of communication in their marriage open; it is a major reason marriage is difficult for many.

Solution: Talk, talk and talk. Talk as lovers, talk about everything. Don’t stop talking and keep on talking. Talk deeply, truthfully, openly and joyfully. You can’t talk too much in marriage. You can’t over talk to your mate, you can only “under talk”. Please talk.

5. Comparison. Many people are fond of comparing their spouses with others. This is very wrong.

Solution: Your spouse is the best guy or lady in the world. God specially made him or her for you. Don’t just accept your spouse, celebrate your spouse. He or she can NEVER be like any other person. Your spouse is a different personality created for a purpose. Accept your spouse.

6. Lack of Privacy. When you allow your grown up children to stay with you in the same room, you are not making room for intimacy to grow in your home and it will affect your marriage.

Solution: Move all grown children into separate rooms. A marriage bedroom is meant for two people- husband and his wife.

7. Secrecy. Keeping secrets from each other is a very potent time bomb that can destroy any marriage. 

Solution: Don’t keep secrets. Be open to each other. Be transparent. Don’t hide anything. Don’t keep anything from each other. Be naked and not ashamed.

8. Bad Conflict Management System. Failure to know how to manage conflict is one of the major reasons people are destroying their marriage. Most are fond of reporting their spouses to outsiders thinking that will solve their problems. Some fight bitter and dirty, many keep malice, other uses avoidance, some cry, while many separate and even get a divorce. None of this can put conflict to an end in marriage.

Solution: Be a conflict manager. Handle conflicts wisely and carefully. Pray about it, handle it with patience and open communication. Be positive always; don’t ever think of separation or divorce. They are not the will of God for your home.

9. Wrong Priority. When people can’t get their priorities right, they end up in trouble. Many men put their work first, while some women put their children first. Some men put their family first, while some women put their friends first. If your priority is not right, you can’t have the right marriage.

Solution: Have the right priority. Your priority should line up in the descending order of God. Your spouse, children, career (job, ministry and business), extended family friends, etc Put God first in everything. This is how God has ordained it and anything to the contrary will make marriage difficult.

10. Lack of mutual respect. Most couples don’t respect each other as it is easier for them to respect outsiders, neighbours, bosses or total strangers than their own mates. Prior the wedding ceremony and love still steaming hot amongst the couple, mutual respect is easy to come by. Unfortunately, afterwards, they through caution to the mind as they brazenly display their disregards, disrespect and dishonor for each other. Lack of respect for each other is a fast lane to marital destruction.

Solution: The Bible commanded that wives should respect their husbands. (Ephesians 5:33), while husbands are enjoined to honour their wives (1 Peter 3:7).